it happened again - broken. no not my heart. i broke the g string - the 3rd little string - on my guitar. i was playing unplugged along with something on the radio. some mindless little blues riff in the key of g - g,c,d. i must have hammered down too hard on the open g.
i am such a slacker. it will probably take me a month or so to change the strings. unhung without a g string. hope it comes out better than it sounds.
my guitar is very heavy and a bitch to play. but she has been with me for such a long time now that i could never cut her loose. i doubt she would know what to do in the hands of another. my guitar is a classic. only about 3,000 were ever produced. i have a travis bean 1000 standard. mine is # 1374.
A mercury angels B venus archangles
B# earth principalities
C mars powers
D jupiter virtues
E saturn dominions
E# neptune thrones F uranus cherubins
G pluto seraphims
"the thrones of angels are upon the earth. sit and be content."
she's done a lot of gigs. she has done it about 52,000,000,000 times and she is getting ready to do it again. it is a big display and lots of people are going to be watching. but there is no dress rehearsal for this kind of thing. she just puts it out and lets it hang.
wednesday, 2/27/02, the moon rides full.
I have written several full moon poems. for some time I have been meaning to collect them together. this evening I went through notepad and word and some of my papers. I thought I had more, but I came up with 9 full moon poems.
kneeling before a full moon
1. again she comes
2. riding high again
3. the burr moon
4. amongst the shadows
5. march moon
6. april moon
7. fat moon
8. la luna bella
9. soothe me down to sway
of the nine perhaps only three are any good. the remainder are somewhat repetitious and overly sentimental. this offering - the burr moon - is one of the later, but I wanted to get it out of the way while there is still a little nip about.
she does not shiver
she shimmers
and although cold
she warms the hearts
of all she touches
and although barren
again her touch
brings forth
the birth
of many hopes and dreams
the burr moon
silent and solemn
stately and serene
she has but one promise
to all that care to know
always and forever
yes
always and forever
shine
always and forever
share
always and forever
forgiveness is never bestowed for sin is considered a non sequtor. each in its fashion proceeds. in the end the vertict is always the same. it could not of happened in any other way, each being perfect.
etiology is considered counterproductive. many of the fallen have been found in the snare of cause and effect. as an exercise it is an excellent tool, but to proceed as if true is to beckon the pit.
and as a first beginning, a commencement, a coming forth, there is time for pause. time to consider the process, the methodology, the mechanism by witch the subjective becomes objective. there is a constriction of flow, a focusing, on a fleeting yet (i am looking for a word that suggests everylasting, there since the beginning, that without origin.) intransigent icon. and from the depths again do stir phantoms amongst the shadows.
Posted
6:45 PM
by robert d
a trinity. a trinity. we want a trinity
ames d’abandon is a french term. the first word is familiar to most, ames is the plural of friend. there is no direct translation of d’ abandon. it is a very personal term. it is in a sense that which makes one unique. it is the way in which one seeks forgiveness. there is in fact a trinity associated with d’ abandon, there being three different paths that one may follow. there are those that define d’ abandon to mean of abandon. there are those that define d’ abandon to mean of the abandoned. there are those that espouse a simultaneity of both. in some sense this is the true delineation of neophyte, adept, and master.
Posted
7:26 AM
by robert d
broken paper with jumbled words
on broken paper, with jumbled words, does shape and substance begin to take its form. in symbols, quaint and curious, but known to many, do arrangements suggest an alteration. the method will upset some, it may irritate and unsettle. it does portend of an undisciplined approach, one conceived ex post. only after the fact did it become apparent that a record was needed. only after the fact was there the energy and focus to do such. this is a serious short coming that can not be amended. a feast has come and gone, and now only from the scraps, can recollections be revealed. but witness is beckoned, for amongst the tickets and thorns (6:26 AM 2/12/2000 interspersed amongst the tickets and the thorns/were jewels of the most radiant splendor/harden forms of past deeds/pristine crystalline structures omitting frequencies only accessible to the initiate/adepts and masters tuned their tools as such/vibrations brought back from the nether and beyond/their ways are our ways/and all celebrate the joy of discovery) beats a passion for release. it is a tale told not quite by an idiot but by a declining yet faithful scribe.
ames d’abandon is an ephemeral confederacy. it has past through many incarnations and metamorphoses, and like the phoenix arises from the nether once again. it is a proud and noble creature with a tale to tell. a chain, a link, a transmission, of that which is most sacred and holy. but it is not a new way, for it is the way of all flesh. not all at once and each in its own fashion. there is a delicate unfolding and for each (it is) different.
we go there not directly but (proceed) in a helter skelter way. too much, too soon, so often causes one to go astray. and it is our intention for you not to lose your way. nay, it is our intention for you to come and then to stay. stay awhile or longer and may this serve you well. stay awhile or longer but promise not to tell. that once while you were traveling in a land most far but near. you heard the twinkling of the light, a sound so very dear. more of this we know and more of this we will tell. but first we ask that you stay awhile and with us for some time dwell.
(where one listens to the light softly twinkling - with distant roars of darkness banished and empires and kingdoms anew...twinkled and tinkled and churned about...with color and pitch and quiver..some loud, some soft...a symphonic swirling of serenity and rainbow bliss.)
and he walked in the unforgiving desert for 33 days and 33 nights. he walked barefoot in the blistering heat. for 33 days and 33 nights he walked with blistering soars and agonizing cracks on his bare feet across the floor of hell. he walked the floor of hell barefoot because he had lost his sandals. no, not lost. his sandals had just disappeared.
but on the 34th day of his journey there was a great rejoicing. his heart sang some of the old songs it remembered from long ago. flowers opened wider. the air was a perfect cool. unassisted, bells began ringing in gothic towers. everyone, everywhere, stopped what they were doing for they knew that something holy had occurred.
the venerable scribe had found his sandals.
in order to discover where his sandals had been hiding the scribe performed a most sacred of rituals. he performed the ritual of the star. he performed the ritual that all have dreamed of more than once. he performed the ritual with a special crown.
he performed the ritual of becoming king.
but the crown was not upon his head. the crown was around his head. the crown was a special way of doing. prism,spectrum,frequency – color. the crown was the sign that one was indeed a king.
and a man with blistered feet finds his salvation by becoming king.
but I bet some of you are still wondering, how did the scribe actually find his sandals by becoming king?
it seems that the scribe was preparing his sanctuary for a very special occasion. many things had to be put out of the way. one of the sacred items of the scribe that he put away with great care where his sandals. so great was the care that the scribe didn’t remember where he had put them. the scribe was sure he had put the sandals somewhere but that somewhere was proving hard to find.
the scribe searched everywhere. in cabinets, behind furniture, on the floor, under the bed, in drawers, on closet rackets, in boxes – no where. it was if the sandals grew wings and just flew away. or so it seemed to the scribe.
but then on the 34th day, after great fasting and preparation, the scribe remembered. he remembered that he was a king. upon remembering he noticed that he was naked. well not actually naked but dressed incorrectly. a king should have not only a crown. a king should also have a robe.
he went forth to claim the 100% cotton, made in turkey, blue and green, robe of the king. as the scribe reach for the blue and green robe of the king, he noticed a rack. there on the rack were his winged sandals.
and for 7 days and 7 nights all the people of naboo rejoiced. for 7 days and 7 nights the people of naboo gave thanks. they all gave thanks that the scribe would no longer have to walk the floor of hell. well at least they thought, he will not have to walk the floor of hell alone. for he would be a king and he would have his sandals.
continuity. need to establish continuity. continuity is continuous interaction or focus over an interval. with the interval being divided into (n+1) arbitrary intervals. using this as the primitive root function, newton, in 1735, definitively demonstrated the absurdity of rational thought. in a much more restrictive form, godel's theorem, (uber formal unentscheidbare satze der principia mathematica und verwandter systeme - godel, kurt - 1931 - p173-198), is a special case of newton's more general approach.
newton's work pertained to the distance between any two points. make this distance arbitrarily small until betweeness is reached. betweeness is the closest distance between any two points. betweeness is necessary to prevent oneness. all of the calculus is just a short hand for establishing betweeness. newton anticipated planck by about 100 years.
and then newton makes the rarest of leaps. a stag in his prime. a transcendence that few can follow. here newton details his greatest contribution to esoterics. here newton details lemma i.
in truth it takes newton awhile to reach his sanctuary - the lemma. perhaps he is teasing the reader or testing for endurance. but even in tease newton is very entertaining. the title of chapter one is some latin phrase that i interrupt as - suppose not? it is all mathematical but the gist is to take something like p=ma and suppose not. how would things be different? are there an infinity number of possibilities or ((n+1) - 1)? newton demonstrates that there are a finite number of possibilities when p ≠ ma. newton's proof hinges on the proposition that if everything is false then everything is true. it is what newton terms an extrapolation of the interior. it is not what is said. it is what is not said.
extrapolation from the the interior is used to explain the shape of the universe. take a point arbitrarily small, but not too small. call this point α. then given the distribution of matter in the universe, ask - what conditions are necessary to sustain this manifestation? newton conjectures that the shape of the universe can only be explained if at some prior time - (t-1) - the interior of α expanded faster than the exterior. and now for the stag's leap - given the extrapolation - qed - then lemma i - α ≠ α .
newton concludes this intellectual nova by considering the bete noir of cosmology. given that the universe is expanding. what is the universe expanding into? succinctly - if α ≠ α - define not α .
all of this is very exciting. it makes today's string theory look like a cat's cradle - child's play - except for one problem. the term "small, but not too small" is undefined. but again the radiant splendor of isaac - small becomes very big.
"when mediocrity is legitimized, rats will scurry over the ruins of the righteous."
and they found a space. a space that was empty. and with pious care they filled the space, one by one, with things of power.
today was their day. it was their time to satiate their curiousity. they had worked hard. they had toiled in the abyss. they had arduously and deligently copied by hand on parchment pure the ways and history of the order. these records and commentaries would be their's for every and always and then to pass these footsteps in the sand down to another. it was the way. it was the only way. but it was a way known by few.
and the chosen gathered around master phat in a circle and like sharks keen with red they began to ask their meddling questions.
"enlightened one, why are you called phat?"
always the same. the question was always there. just waiting for the moment to emerge.
but the ancient one was patient and kind. "to be phat is to be full. full with light. i have gorged myself on the bliss and therefore i am phat."
"but enlightened one, if you are phat why do some call you rephat?"
again with a twinkle the ancient one patiently answered, "one can become phat but only for an instant. but then one can become phat again."
"master phat, called by others rephat, what will you show us today?"
"today we will embark upon a journey. it will be a journey into that most precious and sacred of things. it will be a journey into the truth. all those that have come before you have wandered in this waste. all those that have come before you have found salvation in its embrace."
yes this is the moment the students had been waiting for. master phat was going to reveal his secrets. soon they would commence upon the path of light. a path that was phat.
"you will take a space. a space empty. within this space you will bring things of power. in this way you will know sanctuary. this is the tao of those that our phat.."
the students, the chosen, the kindred, were stymied. what did this all mean? find a space - empty. and unto this space bring things of power? only the last reference, the one where sanctuary is mentioned made any sense.
and they found a space. a space that was empty. and with pious care they filled the space, one by one, with things of power.
actually it was valentine's day. the more astute will notice that this too has now past. but whatever.
i got the jump on everyone and started my valentine's day celebration on ash wednesday - 2/13. but then as night into morn doesth turn i was right on time. i was ready for valentine's day with candles and carnations and things in the freezer and the world's cutest little valentine's day bear and pink pearl earrings and red and green.
i still have some christmas lights on my balcony and thought - why not? blink - blink - first blink red - and then blink green - and then blink - blink - together red and green. not sure what the passersby thought. just a little way of celebrating.
"make me know you really care. make me jump into the air." also listened to - the rise and fall of ziggy stardust and the spiders from mars - david bowie. dave doesn't get a lot of air play anymore. tant pis.
on valentine's morning when i finally got up i could tell that dave and everyone had a good time. it was so messy. high heels and panties and stockings and underwear and red metallic paper about and the cutest little valentine's day bear in the world and blink red - blink green - it's was valentine's day not halloween.
after coffee and stuff we went to the park near the river. we saw a red headed woodpecker, a hawk, a few mallard pairs, and a dozen or so - honk - honk - like a bike horn - canadian geese. we fed the geese an assortment of goodies - fresh multigrain and sour dough bread/triscuits/and some dried ends. the geese had a preference for the mulitgrain because it was the softest.
it is almost tax time. it is not that most of us will have to pay. hopefully you are getting a refund. but for a short period of time our minds will be focused on the fact that 20% - 40% of what we earn dissipates/disappears. we start to appreciate the lure of organized crime. for at its root organized crime is just business enterprises that pay no taxes. take out your w-2 and add up the taxes on the right hand side. that would be the amount of your earnings that you would get to keep if you were a criminal or a priest.
one man, more than any other, is responsible for this confiscation. if you have been exposed to higher realms of learning you have certainly taken macroeconomics. education after all is the propaganda organ of the state. and if you have taken macro you have encountered - john maynard keynes.
in 1936's keynes authored - the general theory of employment, interest, and money. everyone has heard of the general theory but if you have read it in its entirety stand up and take a bow. the missive in many parts is intractable. still in there somewhere is a rather elegant plea for the need for taxes and government spending if everyone is going to be happy. personally I would be happier with my extra 20%-40%.
keynes was a gifted entity. he was very apt at turning a phrase. with time it has also come out that john was a notorious homosexual - (mask of treachery - john costello - 1988 - see especially the sections on the apostles). this seemed to be the bent of most of the english intelligentsia in the 1930's and 40's. the mallard duck syndrome. if one was gifted and english in the 1930's - 1940's, the chance was good that one was also a homosexual.
today this revelation of relationships between men in a cloistered environment is not so shocking. but evidence is now being accumulated to support the contention that keynes with his russian cover - his wife was a russian ballerina - was also a russian spy.
some are now viewing the general theory as a trojan horse -(the apostasy of the general theory - john j. klein - 1998). once the need for government spending and taxes are theoretical established and accepted the trap has been set. for within the corpus of the structure there are no constraints on this activity. nothing exogenous to determine how much the government should spend and thus how much it should tax. if some government spending and taxes are good than surely more is better. the only real constraint on spending and taxes are implosion, chaos, and revolution.
spinning dishes and all the beauty queens. perhaps another time. both the dishes and the queens are still a bit jejune and will require time to acquire poise. best to postpone their debut - alluding but not revealing.
i am rather fond of perhaps. it portends of such pregnant possibilities. i find myself use perhaps with some frequency. perhaps i use it with such punctuality because perhaps is just a fun little word to play with.
one of the nice things about perhaps is that anyone can acquire the propensity. anyone can start perhapsing in about 7 seconds. before you know it - you are perhapsing this and perhapsing that - and actually having a little fun. the fun, at least for me, is that i know that using perhaps is a little game but most others don't.
another nice thing about perhaps is that it is prehensile, it is very handy. perhaps performs under a plethora of conditions. it is like a swiss army knife. when in doubt - perhaps?
I can't recall in my pondering how I acquire the habit of using perhaps. there are certain phrases and words were I can trace the acquaintance to a unique source, like "why not?" and "quaint and curious". but the pathology of this phrase alludes me. perhaps it's use is just an acquired taste.
sustenance for weary souls. fodder to comfort. an easing of a hunger. tranquillity and the sparkle of bliss - bliss with bells and tinkles - it is a poeish morning.
I suspect the use of poe as an adjective is rara avis - like a black swan - rare.
a poeish morning - a persistent but gentle - splish / splash pitter/patter - burr and witch's tits - kind of morning. a pull closer, wish you were here, baby you are the best - kind of time. done without dispatch. a lingering of spirit and soul - and in the background a rumbling - a disturbance of the force - the beating - the beating of a… trinity, trinity, we want a ..spirit, soul, and heart.
"I make coffins for the weary. I make coffins for the dead."
Posted
2:44 AM
by robert d
i was actually using femme fetale
in an angelic sense. within any relationship there is some beauty and
magic. to know this and beckon is a gift. akin to this is the concept that
the superior must make concessions. for without impetus nothing manifests.
and then there is the art. the art and artist always looking for a way to
transcend. up and over and beyond to a new place. if only for a while.
and then to have a way to share this with others. this is the art that we
hold sacred.
and then there are the sweels and lousy's. with stick and grease and chips
of rock. knawing on the canvas like rats. painting in wales with no fire.
sorry about the pixs being difficult. about 2-3 weeks ago i established shq
as the de facto. before i was snapping at a much lower resolution. but now
it has occurred to me that you never know when you might need something
bigger. i think it is a guy thing.
i tried to get a picture of a little bird in vegas in contrast to caesars
palace. i did embrace the moment but was unable to satisfactorily capture
the experience. tant pis!! i have a fondest for little birds. and i have
discovered that the smallest birds have the sweetest little chipper songs.
"and it began as a game. very innocuous. a one to one mapping of alpha
into not alpha."
i haven't shaved in four days. feels good. i went to vegas for a few days and i didn't want any problems at the airport with razors.
i'm back though now. boo!! this was my first time doing the glitter and glitz and i loved it.
we stayed at caesars palace - crown towers - room 2014. the view from the 20th floor is great. and the room had a bathroom that was almost as big as my apartment. made a mess of the room and absolutely trashed the bathroom. and had room service for breakfast everyday. buffets are for losers.
my first night in vegas i hit. between 6-7 o'clock - pst - i spanked the barbary coast casino. on roullette, playing black or red and individual and double numbers, i won about $400 in 30 mins.
i was betting red $5 chips - sometimes 8 or 10 chips at a time on black or red. and single chips on individual and double numbers. actually black was my lucky color. i would play big on the color black and then i would do some of the doubles on the board that were black. i had a little streak where i hit 4 or 5 doubles in about 10 plays. each time that paid over 15 to 1 plus whatever i had on black. when i started to hit i would salt away 20 chips - $100 - in one of my pockets. (obiter dictum - i had on some beige corduroy painter's pants with lots of zippered pockets.) the - whatever you call the guy who runs the game - wanted to cash my bulging pockets of $5 red chips in for black $100 chips. i guess he wanted me to start playing $100 a pop. but as soon as i saw that i had 5 black chips and some change i pulled out.
things after that are kind of a blur because after i went up to the cashier's cage and got my 5 bennies and some change we did dinner dancing and drinks and played it big. the we being robert "d" and the always sweet and charming ms plum. dinner was $150. ms plum had the world's greatest sea bass and with some other stuff i had a shrimp cocktail befitting a caesar. i topped it all off with a b&b and played footsies with ms plum under the table.
dancing and drinks. i don't remember this part too well. i do recollect that ms plum wasn't as vivacious as i would have liked. but then i am a very good dancer and she is just so/so. i could have carried us both but she was feeling a bit self conscious. ms plum does drink - cosmos and lemon drops - but she paces herself. if ms plum drinks then i do something else. still a good time was had by all.
we then made it back to the room by 2 am pst. trashed the bathroom and the bed and woke up around 8 am pst and had room service and then took the upgraded rental car for a spin towards the desert.
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